there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize