I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
