I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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