I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
someone owes me an orgasm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
