You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
