i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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