We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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