Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
