Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
