You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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