Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
