I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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