Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
