My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
