when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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