What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
