alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize