dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
