I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize