I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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