two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
