I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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