Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
