By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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