Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize