dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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