My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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