You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
