Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
