don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
