Im at strip club and am horny
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
