what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
