Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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