come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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