if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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