sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
