You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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