I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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