I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
