Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
