I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
