He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize