I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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