i already hear my dad disowning me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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