So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
