You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
