sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
