im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
