i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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