I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am one with the molecules
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize