the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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