"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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