My balls are so social today.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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