My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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