i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
