So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
