Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
