Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
