You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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