I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
