i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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