oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
