on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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