if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize