i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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