I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize