Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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