I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize