my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
