we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
