I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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