Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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