Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
