I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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