I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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