I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
