I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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