I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
