Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
