im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
