in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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