ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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