Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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