He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
