How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even my vagina gasped.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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