So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need to sanitize my soul.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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