she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
